Hopefully this works

Hmmm,where to start?
A very wise friend asked me what had happened to my blog,good question.I kind of abandoned it i guess.Got sick of writing the same thing over and over again,then I just didn't know how to write what i needed to write.Life got busy with life and i lost touch with expressing myself.
Last few weeks have been very tough so here i am trying to write my way out of my darkness.
At the moment i hate everything,most of all me.I don't know why and it makes me angry cos i thought I'd stopped doing this to myself.
I'm stuck and don't know how to get unstuck,I'm overthinking everything,not sleeping,feeling old,feeling oh i don't know,heavy?weighed down? Not sure what it is.
I think part of it is that i thought I'd get better,not be free of MS but at least be walking on my own.I've been relapse free for close to 3 years now and I've recovered from the last one with permanent damage to my mobility.
I think I'm angry about that,I know i shouldn't compare(but i do) myself to other MSers but using the walker makes me feel old and quite frankly a pain in the arse.It's always in the way.I've tried to be positive about it,it means i can walk further and faster,get less fatigued all that stuff but honestly i don't like being not quite 50 and using a walker like someone in their 80s.
Yeah,yeah,I know there's people worse off than me,there's also a lot of people a lot better off than me