Friday, 6 July 2012
Thursday, 5 July 2012
The Pity Party
The words gotten around that my place is a great place to throw a pity party. Misery loves company so all the selfs turned up to be miserable together.
Self absorbed,Self indulgent,Self loathing,Self pity,Self-ish.Low Self esteem rocked up too,So many selfs I can't remember everyone's name.They were all there doing what they do best,bitching and moaning and complaining,feeling grumpy and doing there best to outdo each other with how horrible life is.Yeah some wicked party was happening.
I think it's starting to wind down now,I think they might be all partied out for now,all I need to do is clean up the mess those party animals made.Might take awhile,need to get the carpet dry from all the tears that were shed.
Self absorbed,Self indulgent,Self loathing,Self pity,Self-ish.Low Self esteem rocked up too,So many selfs I can't remember everyone's name.They were all there doing what they do best,bitching and moaning and complaining,feeling grumpy and doing there best to outdo each other with how horrible life is.Yeah some wicked party was happening.
I think it's starting to wind down now,I think they might be all partied out for now,all I need to do is clean up the mess those party animals made.Might take awhile,need to get the carpet dry from all the tears that were shed.
Wednesday, 4 July 2012
Bad day
Still feeling really cruddy,My insides are all jumpy and nervy.and I am not at all happy.Think I forgot to do something but have no idea what it is if I even did forget.Wondering if this is an MS thing or just me.
Everything was going so well and I felt good,now I'm just blah,it's like that awful feeling when you hear a noise in the middle of the night but can't identify what it was,so you lay there in the dark freaking out that someone has broken in.Well I do anyway,the internet has been fairly stable for a little while now,hopefully it's okay now.
It's just a really bad day and my head is buzzing and I have pins and needles in my right hand,my right side is supposed to be my good side.I wish I understood this stupid disease better,maybe i wouldn't be so focused on every little change and freak out that it means another relapse,my back teeth are metallic tasting too.
Oh,crap,think I'll go to bed and hide,I'm miserable.
Everything was going so well and I felt good,now I'm just blah,it's like that awful feeling when you hear a noise in the middle of the night but can't identify what it was,so you lay there in the dark freaking out that someone has broken in.Well I do anyway,the internet has been fairly stable for a little while now,hopefully it's okay now.
It's just a really bad day and my head is buzzing and I have pins and needles in my right hand,my right side is supposed to be my good side.I wish I understood this stupid disease better,maybe i wouldn't be so focused on every little change and freak out that it means another relapse,my back teeth are metallic tasting too.
Oh,crap,think I'll go to bed and hide,I'm miserable.
Tuesday, 3 July 2012
Where did it go?
Where did my peace go?Where did my happiness go? Where did my positivity go?
The bloody moronic dumbarse government people I have to deal with sucked it right out of me,Just like the dementors in Harry Potter they've sucked every bit of goodness out of me and left me feeling completely crappy,shitty and totally pissed off and frustrated,and i don't care if I'm spelling stuff wrong,get over it.
Internet and phone have been erractic or non existant for days,Phone company will be here some time before Friday BASTARDS,I don't even have my internet with them but because it's their infrastructure causing the problems I hardly get on line until they get their arses in gear and come and fix their cables or whatever the problem maybe'Last time it was cos birds have pecked the cables at the junction bit,months they told us nothing was wrong,'til someone finally came out and checked.My phone doesn't work properly.so I can't get online to talk to people and i can't ring anyone up either.Some days I'm online and on the phone at the same time,now i can't do either I'm feeling ver isolated.
This morning I had to speak to someone at centrelink about my pension,What a joke!!! Between the phone problems their automated phone service I found myself yelling at the automatic voice! You know your getting frustrated when the polite phone voice makes you want to scream!! But seriously,an hour on hold to finally speak to a real person?? that was after 2 hours of trying to get thru,plus finally getting online doing what i needed to do to report earning only to have a message come up telling me to contact them cos there was a problem AAARRRGGHH!!!! That's what I've been trying to do!!
Then I finally get to speak to someone and my words start sticking and i can't talk properly and i sound like an idiot,so then she starts speaking to me in that overly calm,pitying tone that drives me crazy.I hate this fucking disease so much,I hate how it's tearing me apart bit by bit.I hate how it's taking away my ability to communicate effectively.I just fucking hate it so much.
Today is a really bad day and I want my peace back,maybe this is me maybe I should stop kidding myself and accept that it's not MS I am after all just a bitch.
I hate everything today.I hate MS
The bloody moronic dumbarse government people I have to deal with sucked it right out of me,Just like the dementors in Harry Potter they've sucked every bit of goodness out of me and left me feeling completely crappy,shitty and totally pissed off and frustrated,and i don't care if I'm spelling stuff wrong,get over it.
Internet and phone have been erractic or non existant for days,Phone company will be here some time before Friday BASTARDS,I don't even have my internet with them but because it's their infrastructure causing the problems I hardly get on line until they get their arses in gear and come and fix their cables or whatever the problem maybe'Last time it was cos birds have pecked the cables at the junction bit,months they told us nothing was wrong,'til someone finally came out and checked.My phone doesn't work properly.so I can't get online to talk to people and i can't ring anyone up either.Some days I'm online and on the phone at the same time,now i can't do either I'm feeling ver isolated.
This morning I had to speak to someone at centrelink about my pension,What a joke!!! Between the phone problems their automated phone service I found myself yelling at the automatic voice! You know your getting frustrated when the polite phone voice makes you want to scream!! But seriously,an hour on hold to finally speak to a real person?? that was after 2 hours of trying to get thru,plus finally getting online doing what i needed to do to report earning only to have a message come up telling me to contact them cos there was a problem AAARRRGGHH!!!! That's what I've been trying to do!!
Then I finally get to speak to someone and my words start sticking and i can't talk properly and i sound like an idiot,so then she starts speaking to me in that overly calm,pitying tone that drives me crazy.I hate this fucking disease so much,I hate how it's tearing me apart bit by bit.I hate how it's taking away my ability to communicate effectively.I just fucking hate it so much.
Today is a really bad day and I want my peace back,maybe this is me maybe I should stop kidding myself and accept that it's not MS I am after all just a bitch.
I hate everything today.I hate MS
Monday, 2 July 2012
Busy few days
Saturday was David's formal and the limo pick up was here,so quite a few kids in suits and their camera happy parents took over my house for a little while!
He looked very grown up and chose a purple striped tie,cos purple is my favourite colour.Awww! I didn't know he'd done it,how lovely was that,he thought of me!
Sunday was my birthday and I had the best day,was so good 'cept for my Mum being sick and not coming out to lunch with us but my sister was here with her 2 boys so that almost made up for Mum not coming.Sarah came over later with Luke and not only had she made me a cake but lemon cheesecake as well!! Now I had lost some weight,hmm reckon I've put it all back on plus extra!
Then yesterday I had the practical driving test that I've been dreading,not cos I have trouble driving or anything but because of someone judging me and maybe me not living up to my expectations of myself.Anxiety was threw the roof and I was so nervous,was so worried that something I've been doing for 3o years was going to be taken away from me.I've had so many things change since MS i didn't want to lose this too,especially as i chose not to drive for so long as I knew I wasn't up to it.I didn't want to have a stranger tell me that the effort and work I've done to get back to driving was in vain.
Anyway,I passed!! WooHoo!! Apparently I don't use my mirrors enough and I tend to speed a bit but I was so focused on what was in front of me and doing everything right i forgot to look behing me and look at the speedo .Usually you get in your car and just drive and do all the things you're meant to do,having someone sitting next to me with a clip board and check list is very unnerving!
But i came threw it and officially I am a very good driver! I think before much longer I will need to stop driving my manual and get an automatic but not yet,i love my car and I'm not ready to give it up yet.
Today I'm going to rest I'm knackered!!
He looked very grown up and chose a purple striped tie,cos purple is my favourite colour.Awww! I didn't know he'd done it,how lovely was that,he thought of me!
Sunday was my birthday and I had the best day,was so good 'cept for my Mum being sick and not coming out to lunch with us but my sister was here with her 2 boys so that almost made up for Mum not coming.Sarah came over later with Luke and not only had she made me a cake but lemon cheesecake as well!! Now I had lost some weight,hmm reckon I've put it all back on plus extra!
Then yesterday I had the practical driving test that I've been dreading,not cos I have trouble driving or anything but because of someone judging me and maybe me not living up to my expectations of myself.Anxiety was threw the roof and I was so nervous,was so worried that something I've been doing for 3o years was going to be taken away from me.I've had so many things change since MS i didn't want to lose this too,especially as i chose not to drive for so long as I knew I wasn't up to it.I didn't want to have a stranger tell me that the effort and work I've done to get back to driving was in vain.
Anyway,I passed!! WooHoo!! Apparently I don't use my mirrors enough and I tend to speed a bit but I was so focused on what was in front of me and doing everything right i forgot to look behing me and look at the speedo .Usually you get in your car and just drive and do all the things you're meant to do,having someone sitting next to me with a clip board and check list is very unnerving!
But i came threw it and officially I am a very good driver! I think before much longer I will need to stop driving my manual and get an automatic but not yet,i love my car and I'm not ready to give it up yet.
Today I'm going to rest I'm knackered!!
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