I want to believe

I forget that people read this,which is a bit stupid of me seeing as I'm the one who shares it on facebook! But I'm always surprised when someone takes the time to message me that they've liked something they've read(I want to not spell read that way,it;s the same way you spell read,which to me is stupid,surely 2 words that sound different and have different contexts should be spelt differently?Maybe I'll spell it as RED,but that looks dumb cos that's a colour,shut up Alison.You confusing everyone including yourself!) Or otherwise that something I wrote has helped them in some way.I'm amazed that people have taken the time to let me know they love the way I write and shocked that my thoughts are inspiring.
I want to believe them,I want to push past my disbelief in myself and not dismiss it as "They're just being nice" I would love to just be able to accept the compliments at face value and not devalue the words that someone took the time to write out and send me.
Why do I always find it necessary to put myself down? Why can I not believe that good things said to me are true? I think I am such a failure at life and I think I set myself up to fail.I think I do this on purpose rather than try my hardest and not succeed.At least then the reason I failed is cos I didn't try hard enough,whereas if I DO try and fail,well the only excuse I've got is that I'm just not good enough.Pretty screwed up way of thinking right there.
I want to believe in me.I want to believe the people who say positive things to me.I want to believe.I think for now,wanting to believe will have to be enough.