I've been doing a lot the last few days,cleaning,cooking,going out.I haven't been sleeping well so yesterday I thought it would be a good idea not to sleep during the day so I'd be really tired at night and hopefully sleep instead of thinking.
Anyway,I pushed myself a bit too hard I think and suffered for it,last night was strange,went to get up from the table and couldn't.This has happened before,so I just wait it out 'til my legs decide to work and then try again.After about 5 minutes I got up and started to speak to my son and was having a lot of trouble getting the words out,I could see the words clearly in my head but they came out all jumbled and stuttery,this has happened before and we've got pretty good at charades and ESP!!! Somehow he's become very good at knowing what I need,I stopped trying to speak and took a few deep breaths to try to control it.This has always worked before,when I went to speak again,nothing would come out.As hard as I tried I couldn't talk at all,scared the hell out of me. Only lasted a few minuts but it really unsettled me.
I did sleep for about 6 hours straight last night and woke up this morning with no speech problems but the pain in my eye is back,I think I need to be a bit easier on myself and stop trying to do so much. The chocolate mousse tart with the pecan and almond base I made was awesome though!
I need to be kind to myself and stop trying to prove to myself that I'm okay.Well I am okay,but I need to accept my limitations and not try to push beyond them to prove that I still have value as a person.
I do have value,just because I am alive,I am worthwhile,I just wish I could believe it.
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