A random thought from nowhere popped into my head while I was going through my morning ritual of fighting the need to get up for the toilet or to stay snuggled in bed.It's such a cold,grey,drizzly,miserable morning I wanted so much to stay snuggled but as usual my fear of my dodgy bladder won out so I got up!! Even when I'm laying there thinking "Just 5 more minutes" I know full well I won't give myself that luxury,My bladder wins every time! Or more the not wanting to lose control wins out.
So any way back to the thought(hope I can remember it) I realized that some times we give power of parts of out lives to people who don't even know we have. People do things to us in our lives,that can have a profound affect on our lives and change who we are and meant to be,but they have no idea what they have done to us.
There is someone in my life who hurt me a long time ago,way back in time when dinosaurs still roamed the earth( I will not mention this hurt or who it was,so please don't e-mail or facebook message to ask about this) that impacted me in ways that I am still untangling,but they have no idea.They probably don't remember what they did or that I changed as a result of their action.
That I became afraid,mistrustful,jumpy,negative,critical etc.etc.etc.That other people have seen the worst of me and helped me pick up the pieces of my brokenness.
I took on a secret that I shouldn't have to protect other people but who was protecting me?? And why did I think I needed to protect the person who hurt me? I won't reveal that secret but I won't let that person have power over me any more,I deserve not to hate,or be afraid.I deserve to live my life the way I was meant too.I deserve not to be held down any longer by someone elses actions.
This has impacted me for way too long and that person will not have the ability to have power over me any more.I'm taking it back,claiming me back and they don't even know what they did.
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