I am not strong or brave or courageous,I am not an inspiration,I am not a positive person. I am angry,frustrated pissed off,fed up,bewildered,negative,I can not find a bright side,I can not keep my chin up,not worry and be happy.I feel betrayed by my body and brain,let down by myself,maybe I shouldn't feel this way but I do.I'm tired of fighting, tired of trying,tired of not understanding a disease I have,I'm tired of reading positive inspirational stories of wonderful people dealing with this and being happy little rays of sunshine to everyone around them.Obviously I'm not one of them! 
I hate that I have MS,I hate that my whole life has been turned upside down and I have lost control of most of it,I hate that I needed to give up work,I hate that my license was taken from me and I need a medical clearance every year to keep doing something I'm good at and have been doing since I was 16.I hate that my children have seen and heard me weeping and broken,I hate that my husband has had to learn how to shop and cook,I hate that financially this has been a huge blow and we are struggling so badly,I hate all the forms that need to be filled in for even the simplest of help.I hate the intrusion of strangers into almost all facets of my life,I hate that young girls my daughters age are asking me details of my bladder and bowel.I hate that men I don't know get to ask personal questions.Yes I know they're medical proffesionals and it is their job,doesn't mean I have to like it.I am tired and angry and confused I think most of all though I am afraid,of the future,of the unknown.