Let's see if this makes sense

I wrote this in a group I am a part of,but I want to keep some of it and expand a bit on it.I'm fairly certain there's more I need to say along this theme so I might keep it and edit as the thoughts come back to me.
Before I had MS,I knew nothing about it.I had heard of it,as a disease,but didn't know what it was or what it could do to you.
My children played basketball when they were younger and thru the MS Society we were able to get really cheap tickets to go watch the 36ers play,Supporting a charity and CHEAP tickets excellent!!
My kids also always did the read-a-thon,not from any great charitable motive but more from "cool.look what I can win!!" Plus all 3 have inherited my love of reading and books and saw the read-a-thon as a challenge to see how many more books they could read than the year before.
My nephew has been doing the read-a-thon for the last few years too.He was going to stop a couple of years ago but then I got diagnosed so he has kept going.He asked me if the money he raised could go straight to me!! Last year he went to the primary school to talk to the younger students about MS,the read-a-thon and why other kids should do it.I think I have become his pet project and he has been doing great raising a bit of awareness in the Bordertown area.
About 3 weeks before my first attack,Susan on Neighbours was diagnosed.I caught up with Neighbours last week,WOW I wish I could have her MS!! No residual damage,no symptoms,I wish I could get my hands on that amazing drug she's taking!!!(I know,I know,it's a TV show!) Reminds me of that scene in "When Harry met Sally";"I'll have what she's having!"
Hmm,can't remember where I was going with this,might just keep rambling and hope I find my point again,Oh yeah,I guess I have always KNOWN MS was out there but really had no concept OF it,until I got it myself.It's been a very steep learning curve the last 2 or 3 years and one which I still resent and get angry about.
I had a message this morning about counting your blessings and trying to look at things with a different perspective,my first reaction,of course it was!) Was one of anger BLESSINGS?? What blessings? But then I did decide to shift my focus a little and not look at things my usual way,Geez it was hard to try a different aproach.I have to admit it was friggin hard,I sat there for ages and all I could come up with? "Well I can breathe!!" I guess that's a good way to start your day.
I do have lots of good things in my life,my family being the greatest of those,if ever I struggle to come up with a blessing again I only have to remember how wonderful those people are and know that I am extremely lucky.
Now don't be getting the wrong idea here,I am in know way going to be changing into a sugary sweet Pollyanna Ugh!!(Excuse me,I think I just vomited in my mouth a little!!) Don't take this the wrong way Pollyanna people,you are very much needed on this planet,just I know I'm not one of you and it would be wrong to try to be something I'm not,besides every good chef knows you need a bit of spice to bring the best out of  sugar! But just that I remembered something that I used to try to live by-- Perception is NOT reality,just because you believe something to be true doesn't mean it is. Don't assume,Don't jump to conclusions,Find out all the facts,then form an opinion and be willing to be wrong.
I seriously have lost my way with this entry and have absolutely no idea what I am trying to express!!! Dumbarse!
I know the anger is not going to disappear over night,I doubt it will ever go away completely,actually I don't know as I want it to completely,at least it is an emotion and motivation,at least if I'm angry I'm feeling.I think it can be good as long as I don't turn it on myself and start hating me( I'm very good at that already) I need to use the anger to hate MS and use it to motivate me to live the best way I can with it.Maybe make it my Frenemy,the friend you love to hate,Naw,as if that's going to happen!!
Think it's time to shut up for a bit I'm confusing myself and can't seem to make sense to me.