Thinking

The doctor yesterday has got me thinking a bit(uh oh!) Do I do all that I can to look after myself?Probably not is the answer!
He asked about my spasms and stuff and did I take anything for it,I have been prescribed Tegratol when the burning in my feet was at it's worst but I don't take it. He suggested a I see a pyschologist for the depression and stuff but I've seen someone before .
I hate that you go see someone and it takes awhile to prise the lid of the box where I store all my crap,then when I start to be able to talk the hour is up and I've got to cram everything back in and go about my life.It's easier to leave the lid on and not start,than to start to look at some of that stuff and have to stop.
I think I've come a long way since I began writing this blog and so this is my therapy,I can open the box when it suits me and examine what needs examining for as long as I need too.If I was to see someone I would need someone who wasn't on a time constraint.I think I need to just open the box and keep going and going and going,til there is nothing left in there and that's going to take a hell of a lot longer than an hour once a week!
I did take the Tegratol maybe 3 times but the list of side effects put me off,I don't want to take something for one problem that has the potential to cause a myriad(I like that word,hope I used it in the right context!!) of others,then I'll need to take something else to combat the side effect problems and be for you know it I'm a walking(shuffling)drug cocktail.
At the moment I'm doing fairly okay,yes I have annoying,sometimes painful symptoms and yes,I'm a bit screwy with my emotions,but for the most part I'm handling things fairly well.
I think as long as I keep facing my demons instead of avoiding them,running away,I'll be alright.I need to keep writing here,even on those days when I really don't have much to say.