Sorry I'm jumping all over the place with this.I just write what my brain wants me too and even though it's a pain in the arse that it's all over the place I can't write what I don't feel like writing.Somewhere,somehow that makes sense!
So I'm lying in the hospital bed scared,confused,not sure what's going on .I'm oh so tired but still can't sleep.thoughts are racing and swirling round and round in my head "MS,Multiple Sclerosis,MS,What the hell is this? When can I go back to work? Shit! My gall bladder op is next week,wonder if I can still have that? MS,Susan on Neighbours has that,can't be to bad.Kids did the read-a-thon for that.What does it mean?" So I've got all these thoughts jumbling over the top of each other,not really catching hold of any of them long enough to get any clarity or answers to them and I have no idea what the answers are anyway!
It's really hard to go back and remember how I was feeling and thinking back then but I really think it's important for me to do it.To acknowledge who I was and how hard it was for me and my family.In some ways to honour us and how far we've come,what we've been thru and how we've stuck together.
I get very confused now,information overload! I can't remember names,I can see their faces clear as day but cant think who they are or what order they came.I know an MS nurse,it might have been Pam,or the other lady who's name I have no idea of,I know she was amazing and helped me heaps,just wish I could remember who she was!Anyway who ever it was,arrives at the hospital and talks about MS and the society,gives me information brochures and tries to answer some of our questions but I know for most of it I sort of wasn't really there.I think I'd drifted into a kind of out of body state by now,Guess it was a protective thing that happened to stop my brain from exploding.I just had no idea what to think or feel or say,I just wanted to go to sleep and hope that the nightmare would be over when I woke up.
Sometimes I still hope that will happen.........
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