It's early but I've got heaps to do today so I just want to write as much as I can while I'm feeling fairly well.I'm getting a cold,so this could be my last good day for awhile.
We continue to wait,different people come in during the day,to check obs and do various tests,I can barely stand,do you really think it's possible for me to rise onto my toes?! There seems to be lots of knowing glances and head nodding going on but no-one thinks I'm important enough to let in on what's going on.The day drags on,I've rung Sarah and filled her in with the little I know and she goes into big sister,filling in for Mum mode and picks David up after school and they come to visit for a bit.I've rung work and let them know I won't be in the next day but I should be good for Saturdays shift and I'll ring back if things change,I think at this point I'm just totally fed up and want to go home and pretend nothing is wrong. Looks like I'll be staying in overnight so Sarah,Robert and David leave to get some tea,and some stuff for me,and go pick my car up from work..
** I've got to the point now where I've lost the order of what happened when and who I've seen and spoken too so this will get a bit jumbly and confusing**
I think I've talked to Adam on the phone,or otherwise Sarah rang him.It must have been so hard for him to be away from home and getting this information,sketchy as it was.It's hard to know what's the best thing to do,ring him with only half details and leave him worrying or wait 'til we know for sure,but then he might feel that he's forgotten or not important enough to keep in the loop.
Anyway a doctor shows up again to tell me the neurologist(who I haven't seen) thinks they need to do a lumbar puncture,oh joy. I immediately go into panic mode(hey I've seen that done on enough shows to know it's not nice!!). I tell him no worries but you'll have to wait 'til my husband gets back,I need some support and I'm not doing it alone.
I ring him,and my Dad so as I can get some clarity into my freaking out mind.Doctor shows up again and says he can only wait 10 more minutes as his shift is nearly over.Oh my God!! How inconsiderate of me to not want some stranger(yes,I know he's a trained medical professional) poking needles in my back while I'm on my own)
**Due to another issue,I have a real problem with men I don't know,I particularly cannot stand men I don't know being behind me** I really need Robert with me,not because I'm being a bitch or difficult but because I know I will go into full on panic attack if he's not.
Robert gets back and I disappear outside with him for a smoke! I'm stressed,I'm preparing myself for something I don't want to do but know I need to do,so I need a smoke. Get back and an orderly is there to move me to the ward I'll be in over night,cool hopefully no-one lets the doctor know where I've disappeared too!!
**Need to stop,writing this bit out is really hard and I need a break.I'll be back later**
Hmm,I thought I posted this all ready,like this morning when I first wrote it!! Oh well,it's been a full on day and I don't feel like doing anymore now so I'll just post as it is
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